Final blog post

Families are one of the most important things in our lives. We can have good and bad experiences as a family. Family takes work. It is not something that is just going to be a float on a calm river but rather on a white water rapid. There are trials and tribulations that we will face. How we respond to those determines how the family will work out. Sometimes the family does not work out, and they end up in divorce.  

What are some statistics about divorce?

After two years, about 70 percent of divorcees regret getting divorced. Seventy percent of men are remarried within two years of getting divorced. Another 70 percent of people who said their marriage was "very unsatisfactory" would report that it changed to "satisfactory" or even "very satisfactory" if they stayed in their marriage for five years. 

So does this mean staying together will be better?

It depends on the situation. If you can work things out and focus on things that can improve your relationship, you can find new ways to work together. One of the most common reasons students at Brigham Young University Idaho get divorced is because "It was not fun like we thought it would be." Once again, marriage is not easy. 

What about when people commit infidelity? 

Infidelity, unlike common thought, is not the most common reason for people to get divorced. However, it is hurtful. Most people say they would get a divorce if their partner committed infidelity. Marriage and families are intricate things that take a lot of work and can fall apart faster than it takes to put them back together. However, 63 percent of people actually save their marriage after those situations. Of those 63 percent of marriages, 50 percent say they created a better marriage after.

My aunt is in a situation that has a lot of complicated details to it. They have been together for a long time, and my uncle claims he has not loved her for years. They tried to work things out, but he started keeping secrets. He moved about 800 miles away for work and would come home on the weekends to be with his family. This happened for years, and then he started coming home less and less. He has made his own bank account and made a huge deal about things when my aunt asks about things. He has slipped up in what he has said before and let on the fact that he is dating other people. This would not be a big deal except for the fact that they are still married, and he is not telling the people he is dating that fact. They are working on getting a divorce. I do not know most of the answers to divorce and marriage, but I do know that it takes effort and time to work out. 

Final thoughts 

This semester has been insightful and has led me to think about families differently. I have developed new skills and intend to apply them to my family. If I were to suggest things for everyone to work on, it would be communication and meeting the needs of children in your life. I have seen my communication skills improve as I have worked on using "I feel" statements. I have also been able to help people understand what I am actually trying to say. As for meeting the needs of children, the reason I say that is because I have personally seen what can happen to kids mentally and physically when they are not met or when they are abused. 

Parenting and the needs of the children

     As people, we have many needs that have to be met and provided for. These needs are especially significant for children. Children need to be nourished and loved. They also need to feel safe and happy in their homes. Parents are the people that are put on this earth to meet the needs of their children.

Why is good Parenting important? 

    Popkin, an influential historian, has said that the purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare kids for the world they will live in. However, he does not just end there but also talks about how it is vital for parents to help them learn how to survive and thrive in the world. 

    The role of a parent is the most crucial part a person can play in a family. A parent is responsible for the upbringing of a child. They provide a safe environment for children to learn and grow. The purpose of Parenting is to aid in the progress of their children by allowing them to make mistakes. Children learn, through the world that they live in, how to survive and thrive. Every child will have a different experience out in the crazy world, and the home ought to be a refuge from the storm that is life. As parents strive to create a safe environment, they are able to help their children learn and grow from the mistakes they make. Because the kids make mistakes in a safe environment, the amount they can learn increases.  

What makes a good parent?

    As parents help their kids by protecting them, preparing them, and helping them survive and thrive in the world they live in, they are able to understand their children and how they learn. It is important to develop courage, self-esteem, responsibility, cooperation, and respect as children. Some may think respect is fearing their parents, but it is not. It is a feeling of understanding, recognizing their worth, and treating them in a loving manner. As for courage, it is the confidence to take risks. Creating good self-esteem helps kids to see the good in themselves. Responsibility is important because it teaches the ability to make decisions and to accept what comes from the choices. Lastly, cooperation is important because it creates an environment where kids can work together and learn from each other. 

You can never get enough of that you do not need, becasue what you do not need cannot satisfy you. - Popkin

So what do children need?

    First, children need contact and belonging. Contact is especially important because it helps children develop mentally and emotionally. If children do not get the contact they need, they may have developmental problems, but they will seek undue attention to receive that touch. Everyone takes their daily dose of touch differently. My younger brother and sister both love hugs, and I mean, they really love hugs. They always want a hug from someone, and it makes them feel good. I, on the other hand, hate being touched, but I do like fist bumps or high fives to receive that contact. One thing that parents can do to make sure their children are getting enough contact is through offering it freely. This does not mean they are pushing contact on their kids but that the kids know they can go to mom or dad when they need a hug. 

    The next one is power. Children like to feel empowered in their environment. When they do not get the right levels, it can lead to rebellion and or controlling others around them. Parents can help kids through situationally appropriate choices and challenges. After power comes protection. A lack of protection can lead to revenge. To avoid revenge, parents can teach "I" statements and forgiveness. Kids also have a need for withdrawal and for challenge. Both of those have limits; too much withdrawal can lead to avoidance, and too much challenge can lead to undue risk-taking.