Boundaries

    Have you considered what your family boundary is? Maybe not. As you read this, think about where your family would fit. I did not fully grasp the idea that there were specific boundaries that families could have. Some might not even know about them. 

    The first boundary is a rigid one. A rigid boundary is on the far end of this spectrum. It can be suitable for some families. However, it can also be harmful to them. This is a boundary similar to a house with a big cinderblock wall around the perimeter of the yard and a big metal gate. These families can be closed off to those around them. They often pull family members in close, and this, in turn, builds solid familial ties. However, the idea of a rigid boundary makes it very difficult for others to become close to an individual or even the family as a whole. There are many examples of this in real life, and there are many in stories as well. One example that you can look at is Romeo and Juliet. Both groups have a problem with the other and won't let any positive interaction happen. They live in this rigid boundary, and it pulls them away. However, just because some of the characters believed it worked doesn't mean it was helpful to all. Both Romeo and Juliet wanted out of that boundary. In real life, this happens too. People can grow up with rigid boundaries and want out of that situation. Fixed lines can help families grow together, but they can also drive them apart. 

    On the other side of the spectrum, there is the
boundary. In contrast to the house with the cinderblock walls, the diffused boundary is similar to a home with fence posts but no fence. Suppose we look just at the analogy of the homes. The cinderblock wall will keep the family extremely safe from outside threats. On the other hand, the fence posts are not doing anything to protect the family within. A danger could quickly and easily get into the house. Now to look at it as a family boundary, there are no borders, and it is a very free space. People can come and go at their own pleasure. Diffused boundaries may not be a safe environment for some. Many times families grow up in this type of boundary with a lot of strangers or dangerous people around them. This can happen in many situations, and one of those has to do with drugs. Many times the kids in these situations talk about not feeling safe at home. Not all houses that have the diffused boundary have drugs, and drugs are not always paired with the boundary. Just like the rigid boundary, the diffused one had good and bad parts to it. 

    In the middle of these two drastically different viewpoints, there is another boundary. This is the Clear boundary, and going back to the fence analogy, it has a white picket fence. The picket fence means that this family dynamic has boundaries set, but they welcome new people. Clear boundaries are open to outside people; they are just careful about who they let into their circle compared to the diffused boundary. In this situation, there is a lot of sharing of feelings and thoughts because it is perceived as a safe space. My family has taken time to develop this kind of trust. My parents have made it so we can talk to them about what we are struggling with, and they are willing to help us find the best solution. People from other boundaries can also feel safe here. My family has a clear boundary, and we often had friends over. All of these friends talked about how they felt better at my house. 

    All of these boundaries have good and bad parts to them. There can be different varieties between all of these situations too. Now going back to that first question. What type of boundary does your family have? What do you want to change about it? 

Family Roles

    Looking at the traditional roles individuals play, you can see a pattern form. The father regularly has the role of provider, and the mother has the role of nurturer; in my personal life, that is the case. My dad is the provider, but that's not his only role. He is also a role model. This role fits because he is able to set an example for us to follow. That does not mean we have to follow his example. As for my mom, she is the nurturer in our family. She is also the teacher; she is always helping us learn how to do new things. This pattern works for my family. You can see many examples of this being true; however, you can also see the opposite of this pattern. Because of this, every family works differently. Some families may only have one parent who needs to play both parts, and some may have two parents, but the roles are the other way around. It does not necessarily matter who plays the roles. It just matters that families find a way to function that works best for them.  

    Sometimes the roles of parents are harmful to the family. If someone takes up an abusive role, it causes the whole family to pick up some of the negative tendencies. Not always, but sometimes this role even gets passed down through generations. This pattern can create a cycle of abuse. However, it just takes one person to break that cycle. That one person can make a new role in their family and move away from the regular pattern for that family line. 

    Children also have roles in families. They can be helpful, distracting, or even harmful to the family at times. Looking back on my childhood, I can see roles that my siblings and I played as well. I had the troublemaker role for a long time in my life. I tested the rules and pushed against them. My older sister had the peacemaker role. She would always try to get me to do better and improve. This tension put a lot of pressure on our relationship, and we did not like each other for a long time. My younger sister had the crazy child role. She was always doing something unexpected. Her having this crazy side, in turn, gave her the part of being a jokester. Finally, my little brother had the role of being spoiled. He was the youngest and only boy, so he got away with a lot of stuff. When I was the troublemaker, I got into a lot of trouble. Eventually, I figured out where all the limits were and took on more of a peacemaker role myself, and my older sister became more of a bossy sister. All of these roles made our family our own. However, just like parents, the roles of children can also negatively affect families. You can find some examples of when children are hurtful to a family. Sometimes they think that they are helping their families come together. However, this attitude can cause a lot of distress in a family. 

    Studying family roles this week has changed how I feel about how families are able to function. Family roles play a significant part in our lives, and we do not even notice them. We can find ways to improve ourselves and our families when we are actively searching for them. Functioning families are not solely dependent on people playing helpful roles, but it does play a significant part in families working together. What are you going to do to look at how you can improve your role?

Changing Families

     Looking back to our history, the Earth has had an incline in the human population; however, this situation has changed recently. After the second world war, we had the baby boom, which caused a significant uptick in our population. This inspired a man named Paul R. Ehrlich to write a book called "The Population Bomb." This book talked about the importance of having fewer children because it would use less of the resources of the world. At one point, he compared having children to robbing a bank of five million dollars. Though this may seem extreme, Erlich did this because he was under the impression that having many children was stealing resources from the world and ruining the future of other generations. Eventually, people started to believe him. They agreed that having fewer children was better for the environment. Due to Erlich's persuasive statements, the average size of families soon began to decrease and continues to do so today. The hold this book took was strong, and it is not letting go anytime soon. Although Paul Ehrlich's predictions have been proven wrong, people still believe the philosophy he shared with everyone. In the long run, this is going to impact our population negatively. 

    The decline in family sizes is generating a lower fertility rate. The fertility rate is the average amount of children that one woman has. In 1960 the fertility rate was 3.65 children in the United States; however, by 1980, it had dropped to 1.84 kids. In 2000, the rate was 2.6 kids. So, it went up but did not stay up because by 2010, it was back to 1.94 children, and last year we dropped to 1.74 kids. Now, this may look as if it is no big deal; however, the replacement fertility rate needed to keep the same population is 2.1 children for each woman. In Africa, the birth rates are much higher. They are closer to 5 or 6 kids. However, the rest of the world is trying to get them to have fewer children. They are not heading to the urges from the world. On the other hand, China and Japan are willing to pay people to have more children because their birth rate is so low.

    These low birth rates will not change anything in the immediate future for the population, but once those kids start having their own kids, we will see more single-child families. Eventually, we will begin to see a trend of primarily single children families, which in turn will start a decline in our population. It will also hurt our economy. In time we will have fewer working-age people in society. Fewer people, in turn, means everyone will have to work harder and become more skilled at what they are doing. It also will have a significant impact on social security and other government programs that are in place for older generations. 

    In view of the fact that the world is changing every day, there is always more to learn. Learning about all of this sparked an interest in me to learn more about families and how the dynamic has changed in the last decade. Looking at today's society, it has changed a lot since the year 1923. With all these changes, there are good and bad things that have come from them. One main one is the idea that marriage is not necessary anymore. However, there are also changes in the smaller family dynamic. All of these lead to a new concept of family in society. The question is, are you going to follow the flow of culture, or will you create your own ideals?