Boundaries

    Have you considered what your family boundary is? Maybe not. As you read this, think about where your family would fit. I did not fully grasp the idea that there were specific boundaries that families could have. Some might not even know about them. 

    The first boundary is a rigid one. A rigid boundary is on the far end of this spectrum. It can be suitable for some families. However, it can also be harmful to them. This is a boundary similar to a house with a big cinderblock wall around the perimeter of the yard and a big metal gate. These families can be closed off to those around them. They often pull family members in close, and this, in turn, builds solid familial ties. However, the idea of a rigid boundary makes it very difficult for others to become close to an individual or even the family as a whole. There are many examples of this in real life, and there are many in stories as well. One example that you can look at is Romeo and Juliet. Both groups have a problem with the other and won't let any positive interaction happen. They live in this rigid boundary, and it pulls them away. However, just because some of the characters believed it worked doesn't mean it was helpful to all. Both Romeo and Juliet wanted out of that boundary. In real life, this happens too. People can grow up with rigid boundaries and want out of that situation. Fixed lines can help families grow together, but they can also drive them apart. 

    On the other side of the spectrum, there is the
boundary. In contrast to the house with the cinderblock walls, the diffused boundary is similar to a home with fence posts but no fence. Suppose we look just at the analogy of the homes. The cinderblock wall will keep the family extremely safe from outside threats. On the other hand, the fence posts are not doing anything to protect the family within. A danger could quickly and easily get into the house. Now to look at it as a family boundary, there are no borders, and it is a very free space. People can come and go at their own pleasure. Diffused boundaries may not be a safe environment for some. Many times families grow up in this type of boundary with a lot of strangers or dangerous people around them. This can happen in many situations, and one of those has to do with drugs. Many times the kids in these situations talk about not feeling safe at home. Not all houses that have the diffused boundary have drugs, and drugs are not always paired with the boundary. Just like the rigid boundary, the diffused one had good and bad parts to it. 

    In the middle of these two drastically different viewpoints, there is another boundary. This is the Clear boundary, and going back to the fence analogy, it has a white picket fence. The picket fence means that this family dynamic has boundaries set, but they welcome new people. Clear boundaries are open to outside people; they are just careful about who they let into their circle compared to the diffused boundary. In this situation, there is a lot of sharing of feelings and thoughts because it is perceived as a safe space. My family has taken time to develop this kind of trust. My parents have made it so we can talk to them about what we are struggling with, and they are willing to help us find the best solution. People from other boundaries can also feel safe here. My family has a clear boundary, and we often had friends over. All of these friends talked about how they felt better at my house. 

    All of these boundaries have good and bad parts to them. There can be different varieties between all of these situations too. Now going back to that first question. What type of boundary does your family have? What do you want to change about it?