Family Roles

    Looking at the traditional roles individuals play, you can see a pattern form. The father regularly has the role of provider, and the mother has the role of nurturer; in my personal life, that is the case. My dad is the provider, but that's not his only role. He is also a role model. This role fits because he is able to set an example for us to follow. That does not mean we have to follow his example. As for my mom, she is the nurturer in our family. She is also the teacher; she is always helping us learn how to do new things. This pattern works for my family. You can see many examples of this being true; however, you can also see the opposite of this pattern. Because of this, every family works differently. Some families may only have one parent who needs to play both parts, and some may have two parents, but the roles are the other way around. It does not necessarily matter who plays the roles. It just matters that families find a way to function that works best for them.  

    Sometimes the roles of parents are harmful to the family. If someone takes up an abusive role, it causes the whole family to pick up some of the negative tendencies. Not always, but sometimes this role even gets passed down through generations. This pattern can create a cycle of abuse. However, it just takes one person to break that cycle. That one person can make a new role in their family and move away from the regular pattern for that family line. 

    Children also have roles in families. They can be helpful, distracting, or even harmful to the family at times. Looking back on my childhood, I can see roles that my siblings and I played as well. I had the troublemaker role for a long time in my life. I tested the rules and pushed against them. My older sister had the peacemaker role. She would always try to get me to do better and improve. This tension put a lot of pressure on our relationship, and we did not like each other for a long time. My younger sister had the crazy child role. She was always doing something unexpected. Her having this crazy side, in turn, gave her the part of being a jokester. Finally, my little brother had the role of being spoiled. He was the youngest and only boy, so he got away with a lot of stuff. When I was the troublemaker, I got into a lot of trouble. Eventually, I figured out where all the limits were and took on more of a peacemaker role myself, and my older sister became more of a bossy sister. All of these roles made our family our own. However, just like parents, the roles of children can also negatively affect families. You can find some examples of when children are hurtful to a family. Sometimes they think that they are helping their families come together. However, this attitude can cause a lot of distress in a family. 

    Studying family roles this week has changed how I feel about how families are able to function. Family roles play a significant part in our lives, and we do not even notice them. We can find ways to improve ourselves and our families when we are actively searching for them. Functioning families are not solely dependent on people playing helpful roles, but it does play a significant part in families working together. What are you going to do to look at how you can improve your role?