Trust and Infidelity in Relationships

Why is trust important in a relationship?

As people are in a relationship, it is essential to be true and faithful to each other. This creates trust and the ability to rely on one another. Throughout a relationship, this trust can be built to last and be leaned upon in hard times. Trust also helps you be more open and willing to share with your significant other. I have seen this in my life. My parents are very trusting of each other. When hard times come, they are able to stop and look at the problem and talk about their thoughts and feelings. This process helps them to understand where the other one is coming from and work together to solve the problem. This idea of working off of trust works for both romantic relationships and friendships. I have also seen it in my own relationships. With my best friends, I have had many examples of where trust has helped us grow together. I found it really hard when I moved to a new town, and that is where I met my friend. As I grew to know her, I was able to trust her more, and she trusted me. Eventually, she was having a hard time with other people in her life, but she trusted me enough to open up and share her feelings. Sharing is a great way to build trust. On the other hand, keeping secrets from one another is a great way to lose that trust and ruin a relationship. 

What can cause this loss of trust?

There are lots of things that can cause a loss of trust. Gaslighting or manipulating someone psychologically is a great way to lose that trust. This is because they may no longer appreciate the other, and as they are manipulating them, they are trying to hurt the other in specific ways that are not obvious. Another way to ruin trust is through behaviors that do not match the words or promises they make. However, one of the main factors that will break trust is infidelity. There are a couple of different types of infidelity, and each plays a destructive role in a relationship and to trust. 

What is infidelity?

Infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. As people are in a relationship, they expect their partner to be loyal and faithful to them, but infidelity is when they break that promise or expectation. Most people only think of physical infidelity when it comes down to types of infidelity. However, there is more than just physical. The main three I will touch on are: physical, emotional, and financial. 

What is physical infidelity?

Physical infidelity is when one person in a relationship goes and has an intimate relationship with another person. It also has to do with fantasizing about others in a sexual way and looking at inappropriate images. There are many examples of this in our daily lives. This idea that fantasizing or looking at pornography is okay and normal when it is not. There have been studies that show the more sexual partners a woman has, the less likely she is to bond emotionally with people in a relationship. As for those who look at pornography in a relationship, they often think back to those images or scenes they have seen. All of these can ruin a relationship and really harm the other person in the relationship. 

What is financial and emotional infidelity?

Financial infidelity is a lot of lies. This happens when one person is using their money in ways they should not be and hiding it from the other. As for emotional infidelity, that is when you rely more on someone else rather than your partner. 

What can happen to families in these situations?

Families can be ruined if infidelity comes around. Many of these situations end in divorce, which can be very hard on children. My aunt is in this situation with her husband. It started out with her husband committing financial infidelity, and then that led to emotional and physical infidelity. My cousins, in turn, have started to like their dad less and less because of how he treated their mom. 

Engagement and married life

 What do proposals today look like today?

Today's culture is all about flashy proposals. There are many people who go all out and plan a big event with lots of friends and family to be there when they propose to their significant other. These big proposals can have a negative impact. Say the other person does not want to get married, but there are a lot of people around, and they may feel pressured to say yes. Or if they say no, it is humiliating for the person who proposed. I have a friend who this happened to. He planned this big event and invited his friends that were in town. As they were all at the park and watching, she said no, and it was hard for him. Detailed proposals can also cost a lot of money, and sometimes it is even to show off to others. Without concisely thinking about it, a big proposal could say, "Look what I have, and you do not." There can be good things about a big proposal, but most of them have more negative aspects. 

If that is today, what did they look like before?

Not very long ago, proposals were these individual and special interactions just between the two planning on getting married. My teacher, Brother Williams, shared the story f how he proposed to his wife. He had his grandma help him quilt a blanket that said, "Will you marry me?" He then took her on a picnic and had her open the blanket. It was not this huge ordeal. They were not surrounded by all of their friends and family. It was just them, yes, he had help putting it together, but in the end, it was just them. Proposing to someone was not showing off but was an intimate experience. 

After you are engaged, what should planning a wedding look like?

A lot of people plan weddings with their friends and often leave out the other person in the relationship. For example, if the lady plans the wedding with her best friend or her mom, she will build a stronger relationship with them. This is because of the stress that comes from planning a wedding. Instead of working through the problems together, she will rely on her mom or best friend to help her. I have seen this in many instances. My sister planned a lot of her wedding with her best friend for a while. This did not put a lot of distance in her relationship with her husband. However, she did spend a lot of time with her friend rather than her fiance at the time. This happens quite a bit and can cause stress in a relationship. When you plan a wedding with your significant other, you are able to problem-solve together. Working together to plan a wedding can help a relationship later in life. As they are figuring out problems, they are able to build good habits and can use them for future trials in life. 

What happens after people get married?

Looking at the wedding and how it was planned can be one predictor of how things can go. Returning to the example of when the lady plans the wedding with her mom or her friend. When this happens, and a problem comes up later in the marriage, she will turn to her mom instead of communicating with her husband. It often can lead to more stress and trials in the relationship. All of these problems can easily be solved by working out issues with a current or future spouse. Communication is an important thing in marriage and how you can solve trials that come to you.

Dating VS. Hanging out

What is dating?

    Dating is a concept that has been dying out for the past couple of years. For something to be considered a date, it has to have three main points. The first main point is that it is planned. When a date is planned, there are specific things that you are going to do. Planning means there is an effort put into the date. It does not have to be a lot to be planned, but even just the idea of going on a picnic works. The second point is to be paired off. A group date works with this. You do not have to be just one on one. As long as you have someone specific, you are there with; it is considered paired off. The third part that makes a date is that it is paid for. Some people may think that dates can be way too expensive and that you have to spend a lot of money. 

    All three of these make up dating, but they leave a lot of room for each person to use their own ideas. These can be as simple as a  walk with ice cream to a dinner date at a five-star restaurant. The best dates I have been on are simple ones. The best one was when I went to a park and had a picnic on a double date, and we just played a bunch of games. The simple dates have been the most memorable for me. It is also hard for a college student to feel like you should go on dates because they can be hard to plan and are expensive. However, there is nothing that says that dates have to be crazy and exotic. 

What has "hanging out" done to dating?

    Hanging out is what has been causing the decline of dating. Today more and more people are just hanging out instead of splitting off and going on dates. When you hang out with a big group of people, you tend to have a different personality than usual. I have seen this in my life. You have to fight for the attention of others. This fight for attention is even more challenging when there is someone you are interested in the group.

    There is a lot that happens when you just hang out with people, and it has negative effects on dating. Another one of these adverse effects is that when people are in a relationship, they tend to just hang out. Just hanging out for a date does not help you develop good relationships. It also does not allow you to get to know each other in different ways. One example is if you watch a whole bunch of movies for a date, you really only get to know what movies they like. However, if you go on a hike, rock climbing, bowling, or other activities, you learn about how they act in different situations. There are many good aspects to spending time together, but it is important to be aware of what you are doing and learning in that situation. 

Relationship Attachment Model

    The relationship attachment model or RAM is something that can help explain important parts of a relationship. There are five different parts to this model, and they all work together to develop a good relationship. The five aspects are: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. There are different levels for each of these factors, and they should not be put out of order in a relationship. Knowing each other should be the highest and slowly works down to touch. It is essential to do it this way because if you rely on someone more than you know or trust them, that could end badly. When these levels are askew, it is easy to be blinded by those factors that are high. 

All in all, dating should be something that is planned, paired off, and paid for. Dating is essential to getting to know each other and building up those levels in a healthy way. 

Gender Roles

What are gender roles?

Gender roles are jobs or expectations created for a specific gender through social norms. For women, there are many gender roles that focus on them being a nurturer and caretakers for children. These all tend to be very sensitive and caring jobs that a woman can take on. On the other hand, a man is often given roles such as provider and protector. However, these stereotypical roles have created tension for some people. 

How are these stereotypical roles creating tension?

Gender roles can be a sensitive topic for some people. However, they can play a big part for some people. Most countries outside of the United States have set gender roles and follow them very diligently. So why is it such a sensitive topic in the United States of America? Throughout the history of the United States of America, many women have fought to be able to get away from those gender roles. This is what is causing that tension for women. They have been fighting to get away from them but can still be stereotyped into them. 

Are specific gender roles helpful in families?

In some families, gender roles can help create stability and security. However, most roles should be shared by parents. As parents share the roles, they are able to work together. Sharing is also a way to help parents not feel like they are stuck doing one job for the rest of their lives. For example, in my family, we are all on laundry duty, not just my mom. My mom was the only one who did laundry for a while, and it was hard for her. My dad also was the only one that mowed the lawn or other roles outside for a long time. However, when we saw that all these separate roles were causing tension, we decided to share and work together on the jobs. As we changed and started working together, we saw the whole dynamic change. We became happier and were able to do a lot more together. Just because this worked for my family does not mean that it will work for all of them, but there is always something that can help families work together and love each other more.  

There are many factors that go into how roles play a part in a family. Every family is different, and the way they view roles is different too. Some families have a mom who has taken on the provider role, and the father has taken on the nurturer role. Sometimes a mom takes on the protective role as well as a dad. It all depends on what is happening to the family. 

What about single-parent families?

Single parents have to take on all the roles or share them with family members that are close and willing to help. I have an aunt who is going through a hard time with her family situation. She has had to take on both sets of roles for her children. This has caused the rest of our extended family to help as much as we can. My family is further away, so we cant do as much, but we can be there to support her. I have an aunt and uncle that live much closer to my aunt that is in this bad situation. They have been able to do a lot for her and her kids. One thing they did was have her over for Christmas and Thanksgiving because she was struggling. However, some single parents do not get help from family or friends around them. Gender roles, in this case, would not be gender specific. A parent in this situation would have all the responsibilities on them. This often leads to some of them being forgotten about.