Final blog post

Families are one of the most important things in our lives. We can have good and bad experiences as a family. Family takes work. It is not something that is just going to be a float on a calm river but rather on a white water rapid. There are trials and tribulations that we will face. How we respond to those determines how the family will work out. Sometimes the family does not work out, and they end up in divorce.  

What are some statistics about divorce?

After two years, about 70 percent of divorcees regret getting divorced. Seventy percent of men are remarried within two years of getting divorced. Another 70 percent of people who said their marriage was "very unsatisfactory" would report that it changed to "satisfactory" or even "very satisfactory" if they stayed in their marriage for five years. 

So does this mean staying together will be better?

It depends on the situation. If you can work things out and focus on things that can improve your relationship, you can find new ways to work together. One of the most common reasons students at Brigham Young University Idaho get divorced is because "It was not fun like we thought it would be." Once again, marriage is not easy. 

What about when people commit infidelity? 

Infidelity, unlike common thought, is not the most common reason for people to get divorced. However, it is hurtful. Most people say they would get a divorce if their partner committed infidelity. Marriage and families are intricate things that take a lot of work and can fall apart faster than it takes to put them back together. However, 63 percent of people actually save their marriage after those situations. Of those 63 percent of marriages, 50 percent say they created a better marriage after.

My aunt is in a situation that has a lot of complicated details to it. They have been together for a long time, and my uncle claims he has not loved her for years. They tried to work things out, but he started keeping secrets. He moved about 800 miles away for work and would come home on the weekends to be with his family. This happened for years, and then he started coming home less and less. He has made his own bank account and made a huge deal about things when my aunt asks about things. He has slipped up in what he has said before and let on the fact that he is dating other people. This would not be a big deal except for the fact that they are still married, and he is not telling the people he is dating that fact. They are working on getting a divorce. I do not know most of the answers to divorce and marriage, but I do know that it takes effort and time to work out. 

Final thoughts 

This semester has been insightful and has led me to think about families differently. I have developed new skills and intend to apply them to my family. If I were to suggest things for everyone to work on, it would be communication and meeting the needs of children in your life. I have seen my communication skills improve as I have worked on using "I feel" statements. I have also been able to help people understand what I am actually trying to say. As for meeting the needs of children, the reason I say that is because I have personally seen what can happen to kids mentally and physically when they are not met or when they are abused. 

Parenting and the needs of the children

     As people, we have many needs that have to be met and provided for. These needs are especially significant for children. Children need to be nourished and loved. They also need to feel safe and happy in their homes. Parents are the people that are put on this earth to meet the needs of their children.

Why is good Parenting important? 

    Popkin, an influential historian, has said that the purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare kids for the world they will live in. However, he does not just end there but also talks about how it is vital for parents to help them learn how to survive and thrive in the world. 

    The role of a parent is the most crucial part a person can play in a family. A parent is responsible for the upbringing of a child. They provide a safe environment for children to learn and grow. The purpose of Parenting is to aid in the progress of their children by allowing them to make mistakes. Children learn, through the world that they live in, how to survive and thrive. Every child will have a different experience out in the crazy world, and the home ought to be a refuge from the storm that is life. As parents strive to create a safe environment, they are able to help their children learn and grow from the mistakes they make. Because the kids make mistakes in a safe environment, the amount they can learn increases.  

What makes a good parent?

    As parents help their kids by protecting them, preparing them, and helping them survive and thrive in the world they live in, they are able to understand their children and how they learn. It is important to develop courage, self-esteem, responsibility, cooperation, and respect as children. Some may think respect is fearing their parents, but it is not. It is a feeling of understanding, recognizing their worth, and treating them in a loving manner. As for courage, it is the confidence to take risks. Creating good self-esteem helps kids to see the good in themselves. Responsibility is important because it teaches the ability to make decisions and to accept what comes from the choices. Lastly, cooperation is important because it creates an environment where kids can work together and learn from each other. 

You can never get enough of that you do not need, becasue what you do not need cannot satisfy you. - Popkin

So what do children need?

    First, children need contact and belonging. Contact is especially important because it helps children develop mentally and emotionally. If children do not get the contact they need, they may have developmental problems, but they will seek undue attention to receive that touch. Everyone takes their daily dose of touch differently. My younger brother and sister both love hugs, and I mean, they really love hugs. They always want a hug from someone, and it makes them feel good. I, on the other hand, hate being touched, but I do like fist bumps or high fives to receive that contact. One thing that parents can do to make sure their children are getting enough contact is through offering it freely. This does not mean they are pushing contact on their kids but that the kids know they can go to mom or dad when they need a hug. 

    The next one is power. Children like to feel empowered in their environment. When they do not get the right levels, it can lead to rebellion and or controlling others around them. Parents can help kids through situationally appropriate choices and challenges. After power comes protection. A lack of protection can lead to revenge. To avoid revenge, parents can teach "I" statements and forgiveness. Kids also have a need for withdrawal and for challenge. Both of those have limits; too much withdrawal can lead to avoidance, and too much challenge can lead to undue risk-taking. 

Family is our identity

 Identity is defined as the fact of being who a person is. Most people today identify themselves as what their profession is or their job title. However, that is not what should be our identifying factor. Family is really what makes us who we are. We do not realize it, but our family has the most significant impact on how we act and think. 

How can family change us?

The involvement of family members in our lives plays a significant role in how we act. Families are there for us. They are a constant and loving support system. When someone from a family is gone, the others have to step in and help us figure out what is next. 

How does family work to improve or harm familial bonds?

Families before the industrial revolution often worked together to be able to survive. If the Father was a blacksmith, his sons would be helping him and learning from him so, in time, they could take over the family business. However, after the industrial revolution, fathers were gone from the house and their families more often and for more extended periods of time. This, in turn, made the children bond more with their mothers instead of both of their parents. 

As families work together to get something done, there are some good and bad things to consider. There can be harmful effects when within the family, money is involved in getting something done. This teaches children that it is just important to do things for money. It also does not teach them the same feelings of achievement that non-paying work does. Another downside is when everything is done separately. It is important when you are doing things as a family you do them TOGETHER. If you do them separately, you tend to gain more distance between you and a loved one. However, families need to make sure they do their best to create a positive and kind environment when working together. When we built our house, my Grandma came to help us and became controlling, mean, and hurtful. She was impatient, stressed people out, and called people names. This behavior helped to push my siblings and me away from having a good, healthy relationship with her. Families have to make sure they understand how they need to treat each other to foster love and happiness in their home, or it will push people apart.

Some good things that can help families to work to work together are learning to contribute, understanding the why, getting everyone involved, inviting others to participate, making it a learning experience, creating unity, and being a challenging thing. Most importantly, it is to have fun! When my family built a house, it was extremely hard work. We did almost everything ourselves: from framing walls to putting in windows and pulling wires for electrical. It would have been a boring experience for my siblings and me if we had not found a way to make it fun. We played tik-tak-toe on the framing, played crazy music, had dance parties, and even played board games on the deck when we had a break. We made an impression on the house and, in turn, let it make an impression on us. We made the otherwise challenging experience fun and let it bring us closer together as a family. Sure, there were difficult times, and it got really cold, but we persevered and turned work into play. Our family is not perfect, and because of that, we had times when we hated going to work and other times when we refused to do any work. However, in the end, we figured it out and were able to find ways to keep us the most attracted.

Communication is key

What makes up communication?

First of all, a person will have a thought or feeling they want to share with another and will "code" it into words, tone, and non-verbal cues to present the idea. They do that through a type of media. There are many different media types that people communicate through. However, the main ones are speaking or texting another person. After they do this, the person that is receiving the message has to decode it. Once they have decoded it, they have their own thoughts and feeling about what the other said. 

As people are communicating, there are thing things they focus on, words, tone, and non-verbal cues. The main thing that the other focuses on is non-verbal cues. At 51 percent, these cues make up most of how someone takes what is being said. This is important to remember because if you look bored as you are talking to someone, they will remember that rather than the words you spoke. The tone makes up another 35 percent of what people get out of what you are saying. In instances where people cannot see the non-verbal cues you have, they often rely on tone more than words. As for words, they only make up 14 percent of what people are communicating. The words we use are still important, but they do not matter the most. For example, someone who sassily says "I am sorry"is very different than someone who actually means it. The words are the same, but the tone and the non-verbal cues change the meaning completely.  

Why is communication so important?

"By delivering messages clearly, there is no room for misunderstanding or alteration of messages, which decreases the potential for conflict." (a. Stevenson University) If we are able to communicate with those around us, we will be able to find more joy in life and will be able to figure out problems with less conflict. However, if you are not good at communicating, you will not be able to get your point across, and it can lead to more problems from someone misunderstanding. There are many times in a day when someone does not fully communicate what they are trying to say. Even today, I can see a couple of examples. When I was talking to my sister, I was not able to fully express what I wanted her to do, and then she did something completely wrong and started to get frustrated when I asked her to do it better. I could have explained in more detail to her and asked her if she understood before she went to work on the project. 

How do you work on your communication?

There are five things that people can do to work on their communication skills. 

First, there is the disarming technique. This just means you have to find the kernel truth in what they said and state it back to them. This can be hard when someone is saying horrible things to you, but it is a good way to show empathy. 

Second, there is empathy. There are two types of empathy thought and feeling. Feeling empathy is more meaning full because you are able to share emotions. In contrast, thought empathy is just you repeating what they said to you. 

The third is inquiry. It is important to ask questions to make sure you are understanding what they are trying to get across. 

Fourth is "I feel" statements. These are helpful as you are trying to respond to what someone said or did. These often look like "When situation/event I feel or felt emotion because thought. I would like wish.

Lastly is stroking. This is when you show authenticity, admiration, and appreciation for the other. 

It is important to work on all of these because they work together and can help a change happen. 

a. https://www.stevenson.edu/online/about-us/news/importance-effective-communication/#:~:text=When%20communication%20is%20effective%2C%20it,decreases%20the%20potential%20for%20conflict 

Cognition

 What is cognition?

Cognition is a perception, sensation, idea, or intuition of thoughts. As people go through life, there can be lots of thoughts that are harmful to our lives. We must choose what we think. Deciding what to think is important because our brains take what we think literally. If we tell ourselves we are the stupidest person in the room, our brain will believe this is true. 

How have I seen negative ideas impact my life?

I have seen a negative impact because of my thoughts in my life a lot. one example is from when I played basketball; I used to tell myself I was not as good as other people. My brain took this as reality, and I lost my confidence. I saw this negatively affect how I played, and in turn, I did not make my middle school basketball team. That year I played in the city league, and my coach was the high school coach as well. He invited me to come to early morning practice with his team, and I was able to learn and grow. That season I saw a lot of improvement in my skill and my mental attitude. The following school year, I tried out for my middle school team again, this time with the mental thoughts that I was good and I could make the team. I made the team and kept learning and growing. Another way I have seen this in my life is in school. I have always struggled in school due to some learning difficulties I have. On the other hand, my siblings are really smart, and they do not have to work really hard to do well in school. With this idea in my head, it led to a lot of cognitive distortions. 

What are the different types of cognitive distortions?

If we look at the idea that I struggle in school, we can see every one of these distortions. 

1. All or nothing - I often find myself looking and saying things like "it is ALL my fault" or "If I fail this test, I will fail in school." 
2. Overgeneralization - my thoughts like this usually come as something about how most people hate me or think I am stupid.
3. Mental filter - This is the idea that people only look at the dirt and grime in life. I can see things like the lower grade I get compared to my siblings and think that I am the only one that struggles. 
4. Discounting positives - I can see this as I ignore my good scores and say they were just luck. 
5. Jumping to conclusions - I have already mentioned a sentence that touches on this, and it is that I am the only one that struggles. However, everyone has their own struggles and trials they are going through.
6. Magnification and minimization - I can see this in my life when I think that I am not doing well in school at all. I minimize how well I am doing.
7. Emotional reasoning – I have seen this when I say that my feelings are understandable because other people are doing much better than me. 
8.  Should statements - These statements are shaming and degrading. They create a feeling of guilt and worthlessness. I saw this as I thought that I should be as good as my siblings.
9. Labeling - people believe the labels put on them and often change how they act to fit the labels better. 
10. Blame - This last one is one everyone does. There is self-blame and other blame. I can see this in my life as I blame myself for not being as bright as others. 

Now, that was a lot of negativity. That is what cognitive distortions do. However, to counteract these thoughts, you have to develop a complete truth and believe it more than the negative one. It is very important to be aware of your thoughts. 

Trust and Infidelity in Relationships

Why is trust important in a relationship?

As people are in a relationship, it is essential to be true and faithful to each other. This creates trust and the ability to rely on one another. Throughout a relationship, this trust can be built to last and be leaned upon in hard times. Trust also helps you be more open and willing to share with your significant other. I have seen this in my life. My parents are very trusting of each other. When hard times come, they are able to stop and look at the problem and talk about their thoughts and feelings. This process helps them to understand where the other one is coming from and work together to solve the problem. This idea of working off of trust works for both romantic relationships and friendships. I have also seen it in my own relationships. With my best friends, I have had many examples of where trust has helped us grow together. I found it really hard when I moved to a new town, and that is where I met my friend. As I grew to know her, I was able to trust her more, and she trusted me. Eventually, she was having a hard time with other people in her life, but she trusted me enough to open up and share her feelings. Sharing is a great way to build trust. On the other hand, keeping secrets from one another is a great way to lose that trust and ruin a relationship. 

What can cause this loss of trust?

There are lots of things that can cause a loss of trust. Gaslighting or manipulating someone psychologically is a great way to lose that trust. This is because they may no longer appreciate the other, and as they are manipulating them, they are trying to hurt the other in specific ways that are not obvious. Another way to ruin trust is through behaviors that do not match the words or promises they make. However, one of the main factors that will break trust is infidelity. There are a couple of different types of infidelity, and each plays a destructive role in a relationship and to trust. 

What is infidelity?

Infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. As people are in a relationship, they expect their partner to be loyal and faithful to them, but infidelity is when they break that promise or expectation. Most people only think of physical infidelity when it comes down to types of infidelity. However, there is more than just physical. The main three I will touch on are: physical, emotional, and financial. 

What is physical infidelity?

Physical infidelity is when one person in a relationship goes and has an intimate relationship with another person. It also has to do with fantasizing about others in a sexual way and looking at inappropriate images. There are many examples of this in our daily lives. This idea that fantasizing or looking at pornography is okay and normal when it is not. There have been studies that show the more sexual partners a woman has, the less likely she is to bond emotionally with people in a relationship. As for those who look at pornography in a relationship, they often think back to those images or scenes they have seen. All of these can ruin a relationship and really harm the other person in the relationship. 

What is financial and emotional infidelity?

Financial infidelity is a lot of lies. This happens when one person is using their money in ways they should not be and hiding it from the other. As for emotional infidelity, that is when you rely more on someone else rather than your partner. 

What can happen to families in these situations?

Families can be ruined if infidelity comes around. Many of these situations end in divorce, which can be very hard on children. My aunt is in this situation with her husband. It started out with her husband committing financial infidelity, and then that led to emotional and physical infidelity. My cousins, in turn, have started to like their dad less and less because of how he treated their mom. 

Engagement and married life

 What do proposals today look like today?

Today's culture is all about flashy proposals. There are many people who go all out and plan a big event with lots of friends and family to be there when they propose to their significant other. These big proposals can have a negative impact. Say the other person does not want to get married, but there are a lot of people around, and they may feel pressured to say yes. Or if they say no, it is humiliating for the person who proposed. I have a friend who this happened to. He planned this big event and invited his friends that were in town. As they were all at the park and watching, she said no, and it was hard for him. Detailed proposals can also cost a lot of money, and sometimes it is even to show off to others. Without concisely thinking about it, a big proposal could say, "Look what I have, and you do not." There can be good things about a big proposal, but most of them have more negative aspects. 

If that is today, what did they look like before?

Not very long ago, proposals were these individual and special interactions just between the two planning on getting married. My teacher, Brother Williams, shared the story f how he proposed to his wife. He had his grandma help him quilt a blanket that said, "Will you marry me?" He then took her on a picnic and had her open the blanket. It was not this huge ordeal. They were not surrounded by all of their friends and family. It was just them, yes, he had help putting it together, but in the end, it was just them. Proposing to someone was not showing off but was an intimate experience. 

After you are engaged, what should planning a wedding look like?

A lot of people plan weddings with their friends and often leave out the other person in the relationship. For example, if the lady plans the wedding with her best friend or her mom, she will build a stronger relationship with them. This is because of the stress that comes from planning a wedding. Instead of working through the problems together, she will rely on her mom or best friend to help her. I have seen this in many instances. My sister planned a lot of her wedding with her best friend for a while. This did not put a lot of distance in her relationship with her husband. However, she did spend a lot of time with her friend rather than her fiance at the time. This happens quite a bit and can cause stress in a relationship. When you plan a wedding with your significant other, you are able to problem-solve together. Working together to plan a wedding can help a relationship later in life. As they are figuring out problems, they are able to build good habits and can use them for future trials in life. 

What happens after people get married?

Looking at the wedding and how it was planned can be one predictor of how things can go. Returning to the example of when the lady plans the wedding with her mom or her friend. When this happens, and a problem comes up later in the marriage, she will turn to her mom instead of communicating with her husband. It often can lead to more stress and trials in the relationship. All of these problems can easily be solved by working out issues with a current or future spouse. Communication is an important thing in marriage and how you can solve trials that come to you.

Dating VS. Hanging out

What is dating?

    Dating is a concept that has been dying out for the past couple of years. For something to be considered a date, it has to have three main points. The first main point is that it is planned. When a date is planned, there are specific things that you are going to do. Planning means there is an effort put into the date. It does not have to be a lot to be planned, but even just the idea of going on a picnic works. The second point is to be paired off. A group date works with this. You do not have to be just one on one. As long as you have someone specific, you are there with; it is considered paired off. The third part that makes a date is that it is paid for. Some people may think that dates can be way too expensive and that you have to spend a lot of money. 

    All three of these make up dating, but they leave a lot of room for each person to use their own ideas. These can be as simple as a  walk with ice cream to a dinner date at a five-star restaurant. The best dates I have been on are simple ones. The best one was when I went to a park and had a picnic on a double date, and we just played a bunch of games. The simple dates have been the most memorable for me. It is also hard for a college student to feel like you should go on dates because they can be hard to plan and are expensive. However, there is nothing that says that dates have to be crazy and exotic. 

What has "hanging out" done to dating?

    Hanging out is what has been causing the decline of dating. Today more and more people are just hanging out instead of splitting off and going on dates. When you hang out with a big group of people, you tend to have a different personality than usual. I have seen this in my life. You have to fight for the attention of others. This fight for attention is even more challenging when there is someone you are interested in the group.

    There is a lot that happens when you just hang out with people, and it has negative effects on dating. Another one of these adverse effects is that when people are in a relationship, they tend to just hang out. Just hanging out for a date does not help you develop good relationships. It also does not allow you to get to know each other in different ways. One example is if you watch a whole bunch of movies for a date, you really only get to know what movies they like. However, if you go on a hike, rock climbing, bowling, or other activities, you learn about how they act in different situations. There are many good aspects to spending time together, but it is important to be aware of what you are doing and learning in that situation. 

Relationship Attachment Model

    The relationship attachment model or RAM is something that can help explain important parts of a relationship. There are five different parts to this model, and they all work together to develop a good relationship. The five aspects are: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. There are different levels for each of these factors, and they should not be put out of order in a relationship. Knowing each other should be the highest and slowly works down to touch. It is essential to do it this way because if you rely on someone more than you know or trust them, that could end badly. When these levels are askew, it is easy to be blinded by those factors that are high. 

All in all, dating should be something that is planned, paired off, and paid for. Dating is essential to getting to know each other and building up those levels in a healthy way. 

Gender Roles

What are gender roles?

Gender roles are jobs or expectations created for a specific gender through social norms. For women, there are many gender roles that focus on them being a nurturer and caretakers for children. These all tend to be very sensitive and caring jobs that a woman can take on. On the other hand, a man is often given roles such as provider and protector. However, these stereotypical roles have created tension for some people. 

How are these stereotypical roles creating tension?

Gender roles can be a sensitive topic for some people. However, they can play a big part for some people. Most countries outside of the United States have set gender roles and follow them very diligently. So why is it such a sensitive topic in the United States of America? Throughout the history of the United States of America, many women have fought to be able to get away from those gender roles. This is what is causing that tension for women. They have been fighting to get away from them but can still be stereotyped into them. 

Are specific gender roles helpful in families?

In some families, gender roles can help create stability and security. However, most roles should be shared by parents. As parents share the roles, they are able to work together. Sharing is also a way to help parents not feel like they are stuck doing one job for the rest of their lives. For example, in my family, we are all on laundry duty, not just my mom. My mom was the only one who did laundry for a while, and it was hard for her. My dad also was the only one that mowed the lawn or other roles outside for a long time. However, when we saw that all these separate roles were causing tension, we decided to share and work together on the jobs. As we changed and started working together, we saw the whole dynamic change. We became happier and were able to do a lot more together. Just because this worked for my family does not mean that it will work for all of them, but there is always something that can help families work together and love each other more.  

There are many factors that go into how roles play a part in a family. Every family is different, and the way they view roles is different too. Some families have a mom who has taken on the provider role, and the father has taken on the nurturer role. Sometimes a mom takes on the protective role as well as a dad. It all depends on what is happening to the family. 

What about single-parent families?

Single parents have to take on all the roles or share them with family members that are close and willing to help. I have an aunt who is going through a hard time with her family situation. She has had to take on both sets of roles for her children. This has caused the rest of our extended family to help as much as we can. My family is further away, so we cant do as much, but we can be there to support her. I have an aunt and uncle that live much closer to my aunt that is in this bad situation. They have been able to do a lot for her and her kids. One thing they did was have her over for Christmas and Thanksgiving because she was struggling. However, some single parents do not get help from family or friends around them. Gender roles, in this case, would not be gender specific. A parent in this situation would have all the responsibilities on them. This often leads to some of them being forgotten about. 

Boundaries

    Have you considered what your family boundary is? Maybe not. As you read this, think about where your family would fit. I did not fully grasp the idea that there were specific boundaries that families could have. Some might not even know about them. 

    The first boundary is a rigid one. A rigid boundary is on the far end of this spectrum. It can be suitable for some families. However, it can also be harmful to them. This is a boundary similar to a house with a big cinderblock wall around the perimeter of the yard and a big metal gate. These families can be closed off to those around them. They often pull family members in close, and this, in turn, builds solid familial ties. However, the idea of a rigid boundary makes it very difficult for others to become close to an individual or even the family as a whole. There are many examples of this in real life, and there are many in stories as well. One example that you can look at is Romeo and Juliet. Both groups have a problem with the other and won't let any positive interaction happen. They live in this rigid boundary, and it pulls them away. However, just because some of the characters believed it worked doesn't mean it was helpful to all. Both Romeo and Juliet wanted out of that boundary. In real life, this happens too. People can grow up with rigid boundaries and want out of that situation. Fixed lines can help families grow together, but they can also drive them apart. 

    On the other side of the spectrum, there is the
boundary. In contrast to the house with the cinderblock walls, the diffused boundary is similar to a home with fence posts but no fence. Suppose we look just at the analogy of the homes. The cinderblock wall will keep the family extremely safe from outside threats. On the other hand, the fence posts are not doing anything to protect the family within. A danger could quickly and easily get into the house. Now to look at it as a family boundary, there are no borders, and it is a very free space. People can come and go at their own pleasure. Diffused boundaries may not be a safe environment for some. Many times families grow up in this type of boundary with a lot of strangers or dangerous people around them. This can happen in many situations, and one of those has to do with drugs. Many times the kids in these situations talk about not feeling safe at home. Not all houses that have the diffused boundary have drugs, and drugs are not always paired with the boundary. Just like the rigid boundary, the diffused one had good and bad parts to it. 

    In the middle of these two drastically different viewpoints, there is another boundary. This is the Clear boundary, and going back to the fence analogy, it has a white picket fence. The picket fence means that this family dynamic has boundaries set, but they welcome new people. Clear boundaries are open to outside people; they are just careful about who they let into their circle compared to the diffused boundary. In this situation, there is a lot of sharing of feelings and thoughts because it is perceived as a safe space. My family has taken time to develop this kind of trust. My parents have made it so we can talk to them about what we are struggling with, and they are willing to help us find the best solution. People from other boundaries can also feel safe here. My family has a clear boundary, and we often had friends over. All of these friends talked about how they felt better at my house. 

    All of these boundaries have good and bad parts to them. There can be different varieties between all of these situations too. Now going back to that first question. What type of boundary does your family have? What do you want to change about it? 

Family Roles

    Looking at the traditional roles individuals play, you can see a pattern form. The father regularly has the role of provider, and the mother has the role of nurturer; in my personal life, that is the case. My dad is the provider, but that's not his only role. He is also a role model. This role fits because he is able to set an example for us to follow. That does not mean we have to follow his example. As for my mom, she is the nurturer in our family. She is also the teacher; she is always helping us learn how to do new things. This pattern works for my family. You can see many examples of this being true; however, you can also see the opposite of this pattern. Because of this, every family works differently. Some families may only have one parent who needs to play both parts, and some may have two parents, but the roles are the other way around. It does not necessarily matter who plays the roles. It just matters that families find a way to function that works best for them.  

    Sometimes the roles of parents are harmful to the family. If someone takes up an abusive role, it causes the whole family to pick up some of the negative tendencies. Not always, but sometimes this role even gets passed down through generations. This pattern can create a cycle of abuse. However, it just takes one person to break that cycle. That one person can make a new role in their family and move away from the regular pattern for that family line. 

    Children also have roles in families. They can be helpful, distracting, or even harmful to the family at times. Looking back on my childhood, I can see roles that my siblings and I played as well. I had the troublemaker role for a long time in my life. I tested the rules and pushed against them. My older sister had the peacemaker role. She would always try to get me to do better and improve. This tension put a lot of pressure on our relationship, and we did not like each other for a long time. My younger sister had the crazy child role. She was always doing something unexpected. Her having this crazy side, in turn, gave her the part of being a jokester. Finally, my little brother had the role of being spoiled. He was the youngest and only boy, so he got away with a lot of stuff. When I was the troublemaker, I got into a lot of trouble. Eventually, I figured out where all the limits were and took on more of a peacemaker role myself, and my older sister became more of a bossy sister. All of these roles made our family our own. However, just like parents, the roles of children can also negatively affect families. You can find some examples of when children are hurtful to a family. Sometimes they think that they are helping their families come together. However, this attitude can cause a lot of distress in a family. 

    Studying family roles this week has changed how I feel about how families are able to function. Family roles play a significant part in our lives, and we do not even notice them. We can find ways to improve ourselves and our families when we are actively searching for them. Functioning families are not solely dependent on people playing helpful roles, but it does play a significant part in families working together. What are you going to do to look at how you can improve your role?

Changing Families

     Looking back to our history, the Earth has had an incline in the human population; however, this situation has changed recently. After the second world war, we had the baby boom, which caused a significant uptick in our population. This inspired a man named Paul R. Ehrlich to write a book called "The Population Bomb." This book talked about the importance of having fewer children because it would use less of the resources of the world. At one point, he compared having children to robbing a bank of five million dollars. Though this may seem extreme, Erlich did this because he was under the impression that having many children was stealing resources from the world and ruining the future of other generations. Eventually, people started to believe him. They agreed that having fewer children was better for the environment. Due to Erlich's persuasive statements, the average size of families soon began to decrease and continues to do so today. The hold this book took was strong, and it is not letting go anytime soon. Although Paul Ehrlich's predictions have been proven wrong, people still believe the philosophy he shared with everyone. In the long run, this is going to impact our population negatively. 

    The decline in family sizes is generating a lower fertility rate. The fertility rate is the average amount of children that one woman has. In 1960 the fertility rate was 3.65 children in the United States; however, by 1980, it had dropped to 1.84 kids. In 2000, the rate was 2.6 kids. So, it went up but did not stay up because by 2010, it was back to 1.94 children, and last year we dropped to 1.74 kids. Now, this may look as if it is no big deal; however, the replacement fertility rate needed to keep the same population is 2.1 children for each woman. In Africa, the birth rates are much higher. They are closer to 5 or 6 kids. However, the rest of the world is trying to get them to have fewer children. They are not heading to the urges from the world. On the other hand, China and Japan are willing to pay people to have more children because their birth rate is so low.

    These low birth rates will not change anything in the immediate future for the population, but once those kids start having their own kids, we will see more single-child families. Eventually, we will begin to see a trend of primarily single children families, which in turn will start a decline in our population. It will also hurt our economy. In time we will have fewer working-age people in society. Fewer people, in turn, means everyone will have to work harder and become more skilled at what they are doing. It also will have a significant impact on social security and other government programs that are in place for older generations. 

    In view of the fact that the world is changing every day, there is always more to learn. Learning about all of this sparked an interest in me to learn more about families and how the dynamic has changed in the last decade. Looking at today's society, it has changed a lot since the year 1923. With all these changes, there are good and bad things that have come from them. One main one is the idea that marriage is not necessary anymore. However, there are also changes in the smaller family dynamic. All of these lead to a new concept of family in society. The question is, are you going to follow the flow of culture, or will you create your own ideals?